陶晶莹

哈哈哈...最近刚看完她的书，刚好是时间po这篇文章了。是地，虽然到了这把不应该再追星的年纪，我豪不掩饰我对她的爱！XD

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从《姐姐妹妹站起来》的大声高呼、《太委屈》的哀心吟唱、到《女人心事》的微笑鼓励，房间里她细腻而又略带稚气的歌声，承载着她的经历和我的回忆。仿佛轻轻牵起我的手，掀开帘幕，让我窥视自己痴迷偶像的疯狂岁月。

当时，有线电视台才攻占马来西亚市场不久，加上初中生的功课量不多，在家除了翻阅娱乐版就是握着遥控器转换频道。是的，就是那么没有营养令爸妈生气又无法自拔的颓废生活。不知道你记不记得每逢周日下午5.30第31频道就会有个眼睛咪咪、嘴角有痣、头上顶着怪发、不太漂亮的女生在镜头前报娱乐新闻呢？

我才不懂得什么是犀利语言、反应敏捷、深入访问、还是化解冷场，我只知道，她很好笑 -- 这是我守着该节目的唯一理由。我，要幽默。

随着年龄增长，我逐渐从感觉她很好笑‘成长’到理解她的笑点，我开始认识到，原来她也很认真。比如，她大拿性爱课题开玩笑时，看似娱乐效果，实际上是以言教告诉女性，性爱讨论不是男性的专利，女性观点和感受也应受到尊重。我，要平等。

然后我开始接触她的音乐、阅读她写的书、上网搜寻她的资料，好像恨不得把她处事价值观和待人方式都学起来，连唱歌都要模仿她。最巅峰时刻，我房间有一面墙都是陶子和桃子。贴着她的巨型海报、摆着她的书和专辑CD、还有一张张自己亲手描绘的肖像和图片。我玩电台游戏赢取她的签唱会入门票、下着雨硬要拉一票朋友去和她握手，还好我回家还懂得洗手。哈！或许对很多追星族而言，这些都只是‘一块蛋糕’（陶子对于a piece of cake的译法）吧。

近几年来，陶子结婚育子，她原来有菱有角、得罪人多、称呼人少的言语，也开始变得圆润温暖。在超级星光大道的节目里，不时可以看到她一手调侃、一手安抚的巧妙拿捏，还常常引经据典与选手们分享人生道理。她的改变让我看到了自己很多固守观点和人生态度的破绽。我，要成长。

陶晶莹，对我而言，就像是一本启示录。每每翻阅她，我就会开始思索自己应该要什么、做什么。

在这里和你分享其中一页吧！她曾说：“不管你眼睛比我大多少，我们看出去的世界是一样的。不管你胸部比我大多少，我们一样都可以喂饱我们自己的孩子。不管你屁股比我翘多少，我们还是只能穿一条裤子。”她就是这样一个人，认清了自己的屁股、眼睛、胸部，然后昂首阔步。

你找到你的启示录了吗？

刊登于《风采》

陶晶莹 《我爱故我在》 新书预购开跑啦！

书中精彩片段：

◆ 送朋友進無間地獄

A在找我們泣訴時，看起來是那麼楚楚可憐、心意已決，決定要離開那渾球！
後來，A還是和那男人復合了。
通常，如果姊妹淘開始執迷不悟，妳也只能默默地目送她進去那無間地獄。

◆ 把結婚生子當成使命，而不是天命。

全球人口已經夠多，好男人出現速度又不成正比；借精未婚生子又是太巨大不可測的未知……女人們或許應該把結婚生子當成使命，而不是天命。
人生中有許多使命，可以選擇要不要扛。
聖女貞德和花木蘭，選擇了當時她們認為該接下的使命，而不是接受可能在當時更不可抗逆的天命──結婚生子。

◆ 沒玩夠先別結婚

當你看過、聽過、玩過、冒險過、失去過、得到過、控制過、失控過、
野過、瘋過，你才會甘願地去經營一段穩定的關係。

◆ 向偷情的男人們學習

我並不鼓勵外遇、偷情。此事能免則免。但若真的遇上了，請女人們向偷情的
男人們學習──不主動坦白，不積極選擇，吃完擦乾淨，拍拍屁股回家。

◆人生許多態度，越早想清楚越好。比如說，「承認」。

承認愛一個人，承認不愛一個人，承認愛上一個不愛你的人，承認愛上一個不適合你的人；承認妳愛他只是寂寞得要死；承認妳想結婚只是怕不嫁別人會用異樣眼光看妳；承認你就是喜歡波大無腦的花痴；承認你愛她愛得很卑微……
怎樣，難不難？

◆ 愛的付出

付出的不見得能收回，但在愛中，不付出一定得不到真正的幸福。

◆ 讓人焦慮的公平

男女平權主義對於女人在床上「服侍」男人一定很倒彈。但我認為，
「那種」男女平權論調對兩性關係不但沒幫助，反而讓兩性更焦慮。

◆ 婚前一定要有性行為

平常大家會說，施比受更有福，這樣的一句話，為何不能應用在性行為上？
他媽的這個社會對性的壓抑導致性知識貧乏真是害死多少男男女女！去！

转自博客来网络书店，欲预购请点击这里。

My Inspiring Senior

Sitting in front of her disobedient Aku-CEpat-Rosak laptop, she plugs and unplugs her adapter, looks a bit frustrated - probably worrying about her piles of work - but does not lose her temper. After a tug of war with Mr. Aku, she gives up and still does not show slight anger. Oh, she just had a tiring day and has deadlines ahead.

I have been admiring this senior - not in a romantic way duh - since long ago. Because she endures longer than the Everlasting Energizer Bunny.

During our high school days, she was never the most outstanding person. She worked very hard, behind the scenes. She seldom got on stage and received applauses like we did. While people were leaving the group due to stress and failures, she stood firmly in her position working day and night and sometimes midnights. Never asked for more and never did less.

And her lips maintained curving up.

She is still the same person. Never ending routine such in radio shows, drama scripts, column articles and live events consume her time but not her passion. Despite countless editings, she treats her script in full enthusiasm and shares me her joy. After years of being a music chart DJ, her eyes still sparkle when she talks about Evan Yo's latest album.

The only difference is she's now dazzlingly bright.

Having a kind and loving heart, she is not always treated the same way. *Curse gao gao those who hurt her* She falls a lot. She must have cried too. You know, pisces. Don't worry though. She will come back in her perfect state and get ready for her next fight.

With her lips upward.

I meant it when I said "I salute you". Not just because of being a 豬籠草. XD

轮椅潇洒行

初来到墨尔本的时候，我在想，这个城市怎么残障人士特别多啊？无论在哪里都常常会看到行动不便、坐着遥控轮椅的人。后来我自己更正了这个说法 – 这个城市可以在户外活动的残障人士特别多。

把镜头转向马来西亚，残障朋友们都到哪里呢？家人工作的时候就无聊地呆在残障中心、家人可以相伴的时候就尽量躲在家里、没人扶持的就只能在街上乞讨。这样的差异当然不是因为墨尔本的残障朋友特别乐观积极抑或是马来西亚的残障朋友特别自暴自弃。

让我们做个简单的推想。如果你有个还在牙牙学语的小孩，而你身处的城市从来没有完备的婴儿设施，譬如餐馆不会提供婴儿椅、购物中心不会有育婴室。在这种连换尿布都特别麻烦的情况下，你会不会常把小孩带出去呢？

道理是一样的。墨尔本有而马来西亚残障朋友没有的，是便利。

首先，我们进出的每座楼宇和建筑，都一定会设有残障人士走道或电梯。再来，去到哪里，都一定会有个残障人士专用厕所，空间宽广、设有扶手。更酷的是，就连巴士和电车都会助他们一臂之力。每当有残障人士要上车的时候，司机就会用一个特别的机制将车子倾斜一边，好让残障人士能顺利地将轮椅驾入公车。

因此，他们得到一定程度的自由，不需要依赖身边的人。有的拿着书本到学校上课、有的拎着公事包在国际企业上班、还有的提着菜篮在市集买菜 – 都是自己一个人行动。

当然，墨尔本市政府偶尔还是会被骂一下，比如被投诉有一些没有残障设备的旧电车仍然没有被撤换。而相应的，政府也考虑将原来2032年撤换所有旧电车的目标提前。有如此的诉求，就代表这个社会有相关的醒觉意识。政府懂得聆听社会诉求、作出改变，就会有进步。

马来西亚几时会把残障人士列入议程呢？政客们又几时会聆听到我们的声音呢？

墨尔本有而马来西亚残障朋友没有的，是便利。牢牢支撑着便利的，是进步。

刊登于《风采》九月刊

低头思故乡

很多人或许会认为，我们这些所谓海外留学生，就是一群觉得外国的月亮比较圆、对马来西亚不闻不问的家伙。我也曾以为自己对马来西亚这片土地留恋的，应该只有我的家人、朋友和美食 – 我不爱国。但原来李白还没有out的，我竟然还真的会‘思故乡’，定期关心一下马来西亚的近况。我再发现，原来我身边很多朋友也会这么做。

我们这群晒外国月亮的家伙关心马来西亚的方式都和网络脱离不了关系 – 游览新闻网站、阅读部落格、看看Youtube、注意一下朋友在Facebook的相关分享。所有的资讯都是迅速而简短的，因此对事情的来龙去脉大都一知半解，留下的印象也模模糊糊。

现在我就考考自己（顺便考考你），试列下对马来西亚半年多来发生的十件大事：

一，纳吉当了首相。此时，我想起悬而未决的阿旦杜亚事件。

二，首相要打造一个马来西亚。汗颜！我到现在都还搞不清楚‘一个马来西亚’为何物。

三，霹雳议员忽然失踪，然后霹雳忽然变天，然后就乱糟糟，后续新闻我就没耐心跟了。

四，一个黑色马来西亚民间运动开始发烧。

五，有段时间在马来西亚穿黑衣随时锒铛入狱。我对这件事印象特别深刻，因为我有位朋友也在扣留所住了一夜。我记得当时自己还大呼：“哈？怎么办？我酱喜欢黑色！”

六，A型流感爆发，我最好不要回家，不然一定被隔离（墨尔本是H1N1首都）。

七，曼联到访马来西亚，和我们的国家队切磋。看着照片里的球场一片红海，似乎只有在这个时刻马来西亚人才能跨越所有的界限。

八，有位名为赵明福的政治秘书竟在反贪污局大厦坠死，真相至今尚未还原，他本来隔天就要结婚了。

九，真正的马来西亚人，Yasmin Ahmad过世了。

十，2万人参与反内安法令和平集会，被马来西亚警方用催泪弹和水炮攻击。去年中国人‘抗议澳洲媒体抹黑中国藏独事件’在墨尔本的游行是由澳洲警方帮忙开路的，多么大的对比！

以上除了是我的个人的片段记忆，也是我们这些海外留学生会聊起的话题。可笑吧？聊起自己的国家，似乎都是不太快乐的事。大家的意见通常可以分为三派 -- 第一派人秉持事不关己努力赚钱政策；第二派人认为马来西亚不宜住人要远走高飞；第三派人仍情牵马来西亚，会为了她气愤、伤心、郁闷。

“第三派人，好好珍惜手中那一票吧。”我对自己说。

刊登于《风采》九月刊

陶子写给黎础宁的信

有收看超级星光大道的朋友应该会注意到黎础宁这位选手吧。她去年自杀身亡，陶子写了一封信给她。共勉之。


礎寧：

自從妳走了以後，我們的心裡都不大舒服；談起妳的事，莫不哀聲歎氣、或是紅了眼眶。很想和妳好好聊聊，在一切都還來得及的時候；現在，有些遲了，但或許，我心裡想對妳講的話，仍能給和妳一樣徬徨的人做參考。

首先想和妳聊的是愛情的部份。

愛 情是和權力相斥的。有時候，我們一頭栽入愛情，便失去了掌控的權力。我們的生活作息、身心靈、喜怒哀樂，幾乎都不歸自己管了。如果碰到的是一個懂得同等回 應、愛妳疼妳的人，那麼妳便會置身天堂；反之，便如同在煉獄爬行，他偶爾的略施小惠，是妳心甘情願的原因，我想，妳是碰到了後者。除了少數「幸運」的人 （事實上，我不覺得那叫做幸運！）沒在愛情路上受過折磨、遇到壞人之外，大部分的人多多少少都吃過些虧。

我和我的女性友人們，都曾遭 遇過。騙錢的、背叛的、撒漫天大謊的、有家室的、有秘密的、有病的??，多到怪到妳欲振乏力，欲哭無淚；當然，不瞞妳說，在那當下，我們也想要死過─但當 我們抱著朋友哭、抱著馬桶吐、抱著酒瓶睡，行屍走肉 一兩 個月後，突然就好像被雷打到一樣：我在幹嘛？那個人哪裡好？一點都不值得我頹廢！而且，看多了爛咖，妳就能免疫，然後能一眼看到好男人，找到幸福。為一個 不珍惜妳的人而死，不但不值得，他們也不會有太多感覺。

其次，我想和妳聊的是父母對孩子的愛。

這兩週，台北陰雨連 綿，我的女兒荳荳異位性皮膚炎便發作了。小小的屁股、雙腿、手肘和腕部，充滿了小小的顆粒。一天兩次，她爸爸拿著藥膏細細擦遍全身；但臨睡前，發病的部位 更是奇癢難耐，於是，我和她爸便得擔任「搔癢大隊」，用搓、用擦，而不可用抓的，才能暫時止癢而不會抓破皮導致惡化擴大。這樣搓搓擦擦，總要兩三個小時， 她才能好好入睡。

每天早上，她要上學。她已經很有主見地選擇要穿什麼；外面 32℃ ，她吵著要穿羽絨衣；低溫 15℃ ，她說要穿衝浪褲配拖鞋（學她爸）??，每天光為了出門，我們得勸說她好久。餵她吃飯更是難上加難。她已經夠瘦了，卻不喜歡吃東西。往往一頓飯要恩威並施 地搞個兩個小時，才勉強吃完一碗；我們追著餵、哄著餵、嚇著餵，腰也痠了、嗓子也啞了。

她如果提起班上男生的名字，我們便躡手躡腳地明查暗訪那男孩的樣子，她爸還會忍不住暗喊：「×××，給我小心一點！」

她如果開心地笑了，我們覺得一天真美好。她如果鬧鬧的，我們會比較不開心，但還是千方百計地想讓她開心。

她才不到三歲，我們已經愛她愛到不能自己。礎寧，妳二十四歲，妳知道妳的父母愛妳愛得有多深嗎？
每當我想起在星光大道觀眾席裡，妳那對開心又驕傲的父母，我就覺得，妳太狠心。

孩子，是曾與母親共生的一塊心頭肉，也是父母一輩子最甘願的擔憂。
妳現在了解了嗎？希望妳想通了，也要在天上好好看顧妳的父母家人。

陶子姊

转载自2008年12月份《ELLE》

Giraffe and Friends

YAY! It's opened!

Friends have been telling me how great this place is, and it took me three visits to finally get into the cafe. =.=

Visit their website for the exact opening hours to avoid disappointment..

Giraffe Cafe, 302 Lt Lonsdale St, Melbourne

 It's a cosy cafe which makes you feel like home.

 

Decorated with ornaments which create an old style ambience. 

 

Highlight of the day: Cheese fondue~

Tiramisu - Dip the sponge finger into the coffee then scoop the mascarpone cheese.

Brownies garnished with pistachio

Everything taste delicious. Is it the food, the environment, or the companions? :)

衣柜里的彩虹

“就好像杀人一样，你一旦容许它发生，其他人就会开始乱来了。”朋友在聊天中提出了这么一段伟论，旁边还有人拼命点头附和。我心里在嘀咕：“为什么21世纪的大学生还会这。么。野。蛮。”

先生，不好意思，他们没有残害另一个生命，他们只是想活出属于自己的生命。你可以不认同他们的价值观，但你不能不尊重他们的选择。

虽然同性恋已经不再是禁语，但很多人在提起他们的时候总是会不由自主的发出‘咦恶’的声响，或是投以鄙夷的眼光，甚至有人会咬牙切齿的咒骂他们变态。去和同志交个朋友吧，或许你会有些不一样的想法。

我上大学的时候有幸参演了一齣属于亚洲女同志的舞台剧，亲身见证她们的故事。这齣舞台剧名为‘Wild Orchids’，以中国古代的金兰姐妹为引言，现代女同志的心理挣扎为故事主线，兰花作为标志，喻示着同性间的情愫自古已有，至今却仍无法自由呼吸。

舞台剧从管理层到制作团队有不少的女同志。那天，我静静地听着他们的故事。

制作总监在香港长大，交过几个男朋友和女朋友，但和男生在一起都不超过3个月，和同性的恋情却能长久经营。妈妈发现她有女朋友，又哭又跪，再把她送到国外，誓要棒打鸳鸯。她现在在墨尔本有个交往了2年的同性伴侣，却从来没有停止过隐瞒妈妈的内疚与煎熬。妈妈到访，她的另一半还要刻意搬出去住。

导演从小就是个男子头，不喜欢长发、不喜欢裙子、不喜欢胸部、不喜欢男生。离开了家庭的束缚，她在墨尔本毅然剪了帅气超短发，束起了自己的胸部，当起了Butch （指作为男性的女同志）。她请了不知情的家人前来观赏我们的舞台剧，并在落幕致词时说：“我很爱你们，我很想让你们看到真正的我，我很希望你们能接受这个样子的我，”我们在后台清楚地听见她的哽咽。

听说，后来她和家人吵了大架。她对于这齣舞台剧的期许，期许自己的声音被听见、期许自己的身份被认可、期许自己可以拥抱自己，或许都被那场大架打击得支碎破离了。

其实，我们都是同类。工作的时候，她们一样的认真和专业；当起朋友，她们一样的好玩和体贴；提起家人，她们一样的爱护和孝顺；对于情人，她们一样的温柔和疼惜。性向的差异，只不过为我们的世界绘上更多不同的颜色，又何必苦苦抹去呢？

把衣柜都打开吧，让那道彩虹划出我们的天空。

刊登于《风采》八月刊

若你碰到他

词/曲/制作/演唱：蔡健雅

就这样吧，若你碰到他。

大学以后

刚刚完成了大学生涯的最后一份考卷。从那座容纳数千人、走路会有回音的墨尔本皇家展览厅（那是我们的考场，酷吧？）出来后，我很大力地松了一口气，暂且当自己一定会及格。然而，上一刻的舒坦被寒风飕一飕，竟然这么溜走了。下一刻紧追着我屁股打的就只是一道重复了n次的问题：

“到底，应该回去还是留下？”

别逗留了，回去冲凉、吃饭、睡觉。当然不是问这个！

这个困扰了很久的问题是：“到底我应该申请永久居民证，留下来发展，还是回到Tanah tumpahnya darahku？”我想，这应该是海外留学生都常常在考虑的问题吧。通常，只有在两种状况下这个问题不值一提。要嘛，那个人很讨厌马来西亚；要嘛，那个人很讨厌他所在的‘外国’。而我，即爱马来西亚也喜欢墨尔本。

墨尔本和马来西亚就像是一种物质与精神的比较。我曾听无数朋友投诉，在马来西亚根本没有办法存钱。如果你从外地到吉隆坡工作，必须租房子、养车子、给家用，还要配合物价水涨，区区2000令吉起跳的收入只能平衡支出，28岁前甭谈什么买房子和买将来。Pavillion随便逛逛就好。

相反的，在墨尔本工作收入高、福利好，工作逾时文化（OT）也不太盛行，就连寄钱回家兑换率也来得比较值得。虽然纳税较高，但至少能确保它值其所用 – 用于促进公共措施或是协助边缘社群，而非促进贪腐文化或是鼓吹政治闹剧。

更重要的是，在墨尔本背包是用来‘背’的，而在马来西亚背包是用来‘抱’的。在墨尔本市区里走路是件逍遥自在的享受，在马来西亚连呆在家里都要提心吊胆。在墨尔本的公共侧板只要铺上提供的厕纸应该就没问题，在马来西亚即使自己带了再多的厕纸应该都坚持不在外头做大号。

那马来西亚的精神层面呢？

比如，凌晨3点钟还可以待在24小时的Mamak档‘吹水’。比如，椰浆饭是用蕉叶包着的。比如，我说‘Pakcik，你酱都不懂what I mean？’的时候，有人真的知道what I mean。 又比如，在这里晒太阳是流汗而不是刺痛的、所谓的下大雨真的是滂沱大雨而不是绵绵细雨。这些都不是什么有深度的精神层面，而是人生而最简单的需求 – 亲切与熟悉。

但所谓的亲切与熟悉，难道就不能在墨尔本慢慢培养，取而代之吗？

电话突然响起。表姐告诉我大姑丈心脏病猝逝。当时，他的家人在韩国旅游，只有一个儿子还留在家里。 不，我不是特别的难过，毕竟和大姑丈相处不多。但是，如果那个人不是大姑丈，而是我的婆婆、甚至是我的父母呢？

有些人事物是不能被取代的。我想，我已经决定去留了。

刊登于《风采》7月刊

过不去

他的心在低号

他卷缩在墙角 身体在叫
把头埋进黑色空隙 身体在叫
手 脚 脸 背
成了红与青对决的擂台
一划 一痕 一瘀 一印
赤裸的 身体在叫

高跟鞋敲打着没规律的节奏
凌晨4点听见的步履 心在低号
往昔的熊抱只剩下威斯基的味道 心在低号
那首轻轻哼唱的摇篮曲呢？
一吼 一喝 一拳 一脚
从前的 心在低号

好几次 他拿着钥匙 看着长满杂草的前院
那几次 他拿着钥匙 望着钢琴上的照片
四，三，二， 开了门
一，是仅有的数字。
他放下了钥匙。

他紧紧靠着
冰冷的石灰墙安抚炽热的伤疤
你 听见了吗？
他的心在低号

妈妈的乳房

在书桌的旁边，摆着一个粉红色的水壶。壶盖是按照女性的乳房设计的，曲线很漂亮。从壶口喝水就像是从妈妈的乳头吸允奶水般。

已经很久没有闻到清晨的味道了。星期日上午六时，月亮和星星都还没退下，墨尔本市很冷清。夜夜笙歌的人宿醉未醒，难得休假的人周公有约，我们一行七个女生肆无忌惮地横行街头。街上尽是我们八卦、喧哗和狂笑的回音。

阳光逐渐崭露，我们沿着雅拉河（Yarra River）走向目的地 - 亚历山大花园（Alexandra Garden）。我们报了名参加澳洲各地在5月10日同时举行的Mother’s Day Classic母亲节义跑活动，为乳癌研究筹款。哦不，看我这个死懒猪的样子，当然不是去跑。我们担任那种‘运动量低、贡献率高’的角色 – 志愿工作者。

当我们自以为是早起的鸟儿，原来现场已经有很多人穿着运动衣，整装待发了。有的是一家大小、有的是结伴朋友、有的是公司代表，年龄层覆盖极大，从躺在婴儿车内的1岁小孩到满脸皱纹的80岁老太太都有。根据统计，只是墨尔本区就有大约3万3千人参与活动。

我们被分派的工作是将赞助的礼袋分发给每一位参赛者。志愿工作者当然也会拿到一份，我和朋友们就一副贪小便宜的样子，兴奋地翻着袋子，想看看里头有什么。礼袋中有苹果、果汁、折扣券、预防乳癌册子和那个酷似乳房的水壶。还有一枚粉红色的奖牌，上面有朵精致的花瓣，刻着09’ Mother’s Day Classic，纪念着我们在母亲节这一天作了一件有意义的事。

站在礼袋站看着完成赛程的参赛者，有种分外的感动。他们汗流浃背、呼吸急促，有些手中还握着气喘喷雾剂，脸上却挂着满满的笑容。这么诚恳灿烂的笑容，不是任何利益或权力所堆积出来的，只是纯粹地“我为妈妈做了件好事”。

看着眼前的水壶，我已经不记得那是什么滋味了。只有妈妈会记得乳头被吸允时的疼痛，小孩大都忘了自己和妈妈曾经那么地亲密。但我想妈妈不会介意。她大概只想我们‘做个好人，健康快乐‘吧。

刊登于《风采》七月刊

我也想这样

走在墨尔本的市集里，会有许多人站着、蹲着、坐着，面前摆着一个盛钱的盒子。

不，他们不是乞丐，他们只是在卖艺。当然也不是在表演少林功夫的铁头功和金刚腿或是电视上常看到的心口碎大石。

全球快餐连锁店霸王麦当劳很聪明地坐落在市集的旁边。在汉堡、薯条和可乐穿梭间，一位年约20岁的白晰女孩常常会站在它的门前。她拥有个稚嫩乖巧的脸蛋，但是却穿得很庞克。牛仔裤搭配着黑色皮夹、1/3的头发染了粉红色、穿戴着粗厚的银饰、再配上一个擦得颇亮的黑色靴子。

当我等待着和她一起摇滚一起High的时候，吉他弦一拨，她竟然唱出怀旧动人的First of May。是喝酒太多的缘故吗？她的嗓子是沧桑沙哑的。又或者，她的外表只是一种武装。我就这样猜测着。

走到市集的另一端，三位皮肤黝黑的中年男士挂着彩色的墨西哥披肩外加个褐色帽子，一位拿着尤克里里（4弦小型吉他）配上口中风琴、一位握着曼陀铃（外形像个拨开的水梨的弦乐）、还有一位手握西班牙响板，三部高低有致的声音融汇出一曲清新和谐的墨西哥民谣。

这些街头艺人总抹着些许的神秘色彩。他们从哪里来？为什么会选择在街头卖艺？这样的生活会苦吗？一天能赚多少钱呢？每次看他们的表演，我总带着这一箩筐的问题回去。不知道自己凭什么可以去问他们那么私人的问题。

市集里熙来攘往。有人停下脚步，望一望他们，就两秒吧，便继续自己的旅程。也真有人懂得欣赏他们的音乐，陪他们笑、陪他们唱、给他们最大的掌声，也会很实际地给钱作为回馈。而有些人，不闻不问。这些街头艺人就像是这个市集里其中一个毫不起眼的布景，小贩尽情叫卖、顾客讨价还价、小孩哭哭闹闹。

街头艺人的周围仿佛有一层隔音玻璃镜，哪怕世界继续纷扰，耳里只听到那熟悉的音乐飘扬萦绕。

刊登于《风采》六月刊

让爱转动整个宇宙

词：陈乐融 曲：陈国华

老天給人們偶爾一些痛
凡人就得開始做功課
胸襟越磨越寬就越自由
腳步也會變得更從容
大地像母親伸出一雙手
願意承受這麼多負荷
徬徨的人生不知往哪走
記住這裡永遠還有我 陪你渡過

讓愛轉動整個宇宙
把我當成你的港口
你不必擁有地球
就可以擁有我
最真摯無悔的承諾

讓愛轉動整個宇宙
把我當成你的港口
你不必擁有地球
就可以擁有我
最熟悉溫暖的笑容

心不是沒有天崩地裂過
曾掉進沒有人安慰的黑洞
年華過幾個秋慶幸我們還有夢
我們都還這樣勇敢的唱歌

A-MIT

每个人心里都有一个阿密特。
你 准备 让他 分裂而生了吗？



镜子爆裂后 分生。

詞：姚若龍
曲：鄭楠
制作人：阿弟仔

一個我像不會累一直往前
一個我動彈不得傷心欲絕
我不確定 幾個我 住在心里面
偶爾像敵人 偶爾像姐妹

一個我在網路上朋友一堆
一個我在房間里獨自面對
灰色的音樂 塞滿黑夜 High的像麻醉
好讓翻攪的胃 安靜一點 忘了全世界

分裂前的熱淚 分裂后的冷眼
越愛誰 越防備 像只脆弱的刺猬
分裂中的心碎 分裂后的假面
不快樂 不傷悲 情緒埋藏成了地雷 等待爆裂

一個我相信用心會被感覺
一個我大喊真心會被欺騙
開始的熱烈 不停奉獻 后來剩決裂
謊言吞噬了心 帶來刺痛 撕裂的蛻變

分裂前的熱淚 分裂后的冷眼
越愛誰 越防備 像只脆弱的刺猬
分裂中的心碎 分裂后的假面
不快樂 不傷悲 情緒埋藏成了地雷 等待爆裂

Prose Poem 1 - I Should Have Treated You Better

It has been three years, dear. I still remember you were my only companion when I first came here. For the first few nights, I hid in the quilt listening to your whisper. The Unchained Melody calmed my fear. You have never stopped singing since then, with love and tender.

I know it wasn’t easy. I was unreasonably unpredictable. I lingered on you so much during autumn and desolated you in July winter. You, in the corner of the room, gave me a sorrowful glance. No, I did not forget the sleepless nights you spent with me – enduring deadlines and Red Bulls. It’s just that, I did not know how to return your favour.

Was it revenge? It was on Bourke you disappeared. Then you came back with scars and dirt. You were so cool, ignoring my care and tears. No matter how I pled and bent, you remained in your upright posture. And showed me your blue screen of death.

说梦话

有一天我睡醒的时候，室友花小姐告诉我：“你昨天睡觉的时候在讲一大堆什么？”

哈？！我在睡觉啊！我说了什么？！

我被吓到了。

虽然她说，除了前面那几个字，后面的都是模模糊糊的一团外星语，而且我睡觉时说话比平时还快。Phew,好险！

但，我还很怕！

A Bu Den...自己不知道自己曾经讲过什么，或是即将在睡梦中讲些什么，不是一件很可怕的事情吗？

我当然没有做过什么见不得光的亏心事。较轻微的背叛出卖或是较严重的杀人放火至今为止都还没有出现在我的个人行为记录簿里头（别误会，这只是一种说法。我不会拿着一本纸和笔记录自己的所有行为啦！）。谎话是说过几篇，通常都是白色的。好事也没有做很多，只是捐过一点钱、扶过盲人过马路、鼓励过...嘘！回归正传！

好，即使没有做过什么亏心事，但人总有不想让别人知道的事情吧？它或许不是可耻的，可能只有一点小尴尬。它或许不是什么大件事，只是想保留给自己的小故事。如果发梦的时候无端端BLAH出来给别人听到，怎么办？！

也没能怎么办，只能认倒霉咯。但求听到的人演技到家，假装听不到，嘴巴也闭的紧紧的。

但是，如果你不小心透露的不是自己的事情，而是一位挚友要求你替他好好保守的秘密呢？那是要那位朋友认倒霉吗？谁叫他交了个会说梦话的朋友。嗯，你和知己分享心事之前，不会问他会不会说梦话吧？问了他也未必知道（2个星期前的我不知道原来我说了21年梦话）。

这还不是最坏的想像。

人的大脑到底怎么运作，我们知道的非常有限，更甭谈有效控制。酒醉的时候会胡言乱语，完全不跟逻辑或事实跑，那睡觉说梦话应该也会有这样的状况吧！

比如说，我梦到自己和朋友遇上了洪水，大喊：”阿花！走啦你！快点走！” 和我同房的花小姐当然不会看到我的梦境，必然有她自己的另外一番诠释。循着‘日有所思。夜有所梦’的思考，她或许会认为我嫌她这人很烦，要赶她走，但平时不敢告诉她，结果都在睡梦中透露出来了。想太多是不是？但是又何奈？人就爱这样。

结果搞得朋友关系疏离，冤枉啊！

或许我从小就一个人睡吧，从来都没有面对这样的问题。如果要长期和一个人同房，就像是被看透透、没私隐，好阴森。到底私隐的价值在哪里，我没有办法衡量。它不是一种物质的存在，只是一种‘我现在很安全’以及‘我还是我’的感受。

当然，阴森不是指花小姐。我们还不算长期啦。

Villaneille 2 - Once a Month

Mark down the dates
in your diary.
Serve her chocolates.

She loves Latin
but for those days she's not ready,
mark down the dates.

Oh not tangerines!
When she becomes bossy,
serve her chocolates.

You can barely imagine,
it's like a punch in your belly.
Mark down the dates.

She'll lose her grin.
She might even get dizzy.
Serve her chocolates.

No matter how keen
don't ask for lingerie.
Mark down the dates,
serve her chocolates.

Stress Relief

为了工作课业心思烦乱？
夜已深却无法好好入眠？
记得使用传统密制良方
周星星！

Haiku

A Japanese form of poetry. Consists of three lines and 17 syllables (5-7-5). It changes a bit in English though.

This is my first attempt. I try to interrelate 3 haikus here:

Ruthless glare -
carton crumpled hands
two dollars.

Two dollars
thrown in rusty bowl -
a day's meal.

A day's meal
beside Knox City -
ruthless glare.

People like Us

Who don't read newspaper everyday
Who know neither Nizar nor Sivakumar
Who spend most of the time studying and partying
Who have our lives focused in another country
Are not interested in BN or Pakatan, at all.

But we don't feel comfortable when gatherings aren't allowed
We fear dark nights without candles
We hate being unable to speak
We are disgusted when wearing black has to go into jail
And we have to rethink is it a place to be.

A more responsible citizen I shall be
YOU!
Who snatch my right to dress in black
I'll vote you out.
We will vote you out.

My Greatest Fear

I knocked
at the door. In her uncombed hair and
soy sauce stained apron, she looked
surprised.
I smelt Bak Kut Teh. “Who are you
looking for?” she asked
peeping
from the door gap. I held her hands,
fingers crossed.

Fingers crossed
on one hand, a Hello Kitty bag
on the other, She walked me to the school gate
every morning.

I held her hands, fingers crossed.
Led her to the couch
where she read newspaper and had a pot of Chinese tea.
Flipping through the photo album, I pointed at
a photo
set in a playground, she was holding
a little girl’s hand, fingers crossed.
“I’m looking for them.” I said.

I knocked at the door.
“Sorry, my girl has gone to school.”
For once
I looked familiar to her.
“Would you want me to give her a call?”
Politely, she asked. I shook,
passed her
a dozen of egg tarts.
“Your daughter asked me to send you these”
“Oh my girl, she has not visited me for months!”
She exclaimed with joy
and tears. I prepared her the tarts
at the dining table where we had
countless dinners
where we quarreled
about my studies,
where we gossiped
about the divorced aunty,
where
she forgot who I am.

I came every day.

I knocked at the door.
Again.
Once more.
Took out the keys from my bag
and unlocked the door, all by
myself.
Someone left the photo album on the dining table.
A mom and her girl, fingers crossed.

Villanelle

This form of poetry is very fun!

Try it out!

Rules:
1. 6 stanzas, 19 lines.
2. A1 and A2 keep appearing in the poetry.
3. a has to rhyme with a. Similarly, b has to rhyme with b.

This is an experiment I did with a classmate (Basically we took turns 'filling the blank'):

A1 Pretty woman walking down the street
b with a chocolate ice-cream she bangs in
A2 ugly man with two big feet

a Two big feet and a stained shirt
b in the pocket a butterfly hair pin
A1 Pretty woman walking down the street

a It's not a good time to flirt
b He still has to go to gym
A2 Ugly man with two big feet

a He says to her, his voice is curt
b "Your sleeves are like the golden fish fins"
A1 Pretty woman walking down the street

a She hates fish and he feels hurt
b He has no idea about his previous life's sin
A2 Ugly man with two big feet

a The ice-cream now lies in the the dirt
b He stands alone in the wind
A1 Pretty woman walking down the street
A2 Ugly man with two big feet

Ok, I know. RANDOM.

只能遥望,却无法分担.
望一切安好.

Here in My Home

Just 4.25 minutes
It can be done
while you're taking
the oath. I'll tell you
what it's all about
One love undivided
that's what it's
all about. Malaysia and Malaysians
There’s just one hope
here in my heart
here in my home

Just 4.25 minutes
Switch on the player
while you're taking a shower
One love undivided
That's what it's
all about. Malaysia and Malaysians
If politics can't solve
Give way to arts
here in your heart
here in your home

Malaysian, Yi Hui Tan


P/S:

Rap Translation -


[Bahasa Malaysia]
Bertubi asakan berkurun lamanya
Hati ke depan mencari yang sayang

translation:
Years of fears and years of tribulation
The heart keeps searching for that endless devotion

[Mandarin]
手牵手大家一起走，我代表华人开口未来就没有丢走

phonetics:
shou qian shou da jia yi qi zou
wo dai biao hua ren kai kou wei lai jiu mei you diu zou

translation:
Hand in hand we’ll march like blood brothers
I speak for my people we’ll find peace forever

[Tamil]
phonetics:
inthe payanam payanamm yen vettri thaagam
anthee kaana kaalam naam vetri raagam...nanba nanba

translation:
May the road ahead quench my thirst for success
May the road behind echo a song of the blessed

[English]
Yes I feel it in my bones and I will let it be known
No matter where I roam this is home sweet home Sing!

Words & Music by Pete Teo
featuring rap by KLG Sqwad & Altimet
by Malaysian Artistes for Unity

TADA Radio

In the past few weeks, time slot for KITSCH has been sacrificed for replaced by this:



I am TADA!


So KITSCH's readers, when there's a lack of updates in this blog, you can find me there. :P

It's a multilingual (mandarin, canto, and english) podcast center.

More visitors = more sponsors = more $$ = we can expand the business!!

Support support yea! ------>

Oh yea, if you've any comments or just finding somewhere to spam, kindly visit our forum. ^^

ARIGATO!

Free Verse

No metrical system. No rules. Kind of hard for Asians like us who're used to obey rules. XD

Line breaks are the defining feature of this form of poetry. It does not break according to conventional punctuations. Instead, it breaks if there's a hesitation of thought, or to double the meaning of the word, or to further emphasize the word, or plainly for the sake of the visual on the page. Weird huh? But fascinating.

Here goes my first free verse:)

TV was playing Hong Kong
drama. The living room always had
kids, aunties, and gossips.
The lead actor, in tuxedo,
slapped his mom. Tears rolled
out of orbit. Aunty Lina
sat silent and still.
Silent and still,
her boy left last week.
Silent
and still, she did not ring
him. Silent and
still, he did not tell
where he's gone.

It's bulletin
time. Didn't matter
to her, how many relatives came.
Celebration of birthday;
Invitation to wedding ceremony;
Delivery of
baby. Where has he gone? In the cradle,
he slept silent and still.
Silent and still,
thumb leaned on lips cosily.
Silent
and still, she stayed awake
looking at the gem of
love. Silent and
still, he did not tell
where he's gone.

1st Poetry Attempt

Call me BOLD & BRAVE! I enrolled in 'Poetry' as one of my last semester subjects. Something I have no idea even if it's in mandarin.

We had a tutorial about Sonnet. So we spent 15 minutes on writing our own Sonnet - the 14 lines alien - and here goes mine:

Mr. Christ walked into the tunnel
Cats' scratches, dogs' barks, that's all I heard
He screamed, he cried, he wept, he startled
Out from the dark hole wiping his bloody beard

In his eyes, there's no fear
Pulling the tails all along the rail
In his eyes, there's no gentle
Kicking the bodies to unblock his trail

Tripped over a stone, he knelt down
Shall he get back to the picturesque town
Picking pebbles from the ground
Playfully lifting his sister's gown

Never be lied you are sealed off danger
Tunnel-trained Mr. Satan is the true ranger

Jackman O Jackman

Give me a reason to not love this guy.

港澳手记2

香港人迟早会溺死在消费的漩涡中。
啊不，
他们还有那蟑螂般打不死的香港精神。

港澳手记 1

澳门，
走在一条钢索上，
一端是纸醉金迷，另一端是淳朴风情。
或拿着LV、或握着借据、或拎着钜记手信，
只于转念一夕。

Boleh Land, a fan of Adidas

Our ancestors never thought it could be realized when independence was once a far far away dream in a far far away kingdom.

1957 has taught us NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.

And, we've been embracing it till today.

Murderer does not need to be put on trial.

Money is used to earn votes.

Kidnapping is an ideal way of taking possession.

Frogs decide the future of a state.

Najis (it means SHIT in Malay) is thrown everywhere, causing chaos and stench. 

Apa lagi yang tak boleh?

Malaysia Boleh.

Google Latitude, it's too close dude!

Google Latitude - yet another privacy-intruding Google Map feature - starts its operation today.

It can be used on your mobile or your computer to locate someone. Yea, someone - your friend, family, colleagues, or rivals - who  opted in to Latitude.

A great tool for control freaks heh?

Google team said, "So now you can do things like see if your spouse is stucked in traffic on the way home, notice that a buddy is in town for the weekend, or take comfort in knowing that a loved one's flight landed safely, despite bad weather."

Which means you are not able to tell your boss you are stucked in traffic while you are still brushing your teeth at home. Which means you can't say "Sorry dear, I'm in a meeting" while you are busy partying with your friends. Which meansYOU ARE UNDER SURVEILLANCE.

Come on, there's nothing wrong to be honest to your wife and be responsible to your job.

Come on! Everyone needs a break! Telling a small or white lie isn't so bad right? Sometimes, it's not about being truthful or not. It's about "Oh please!STOP BUGGING ON ME!"

Uneasiness.

So for each person, you can choose to share your best available location or your city-level location, or you can hide. Everything is under your control.

People always lose control when they overestimate their control force and underestimate the anti-force.  Imagine yourself telling your girlfriend, "sorry but I can't share my location with you." I dare not imagine what will come next. Prepare to get in a quarrel debating how much you love her. 

Or, when your boss asks you to switch on the Latitude so that he can increase effeciency (the actual reason is to make sure you are not having a coffee in Starbucks at 3.30pm) would you ever dare to say NO? No.

So yea, you areNOT IN CONTROL.  

Ah ha, another fun function here."For instance, let's say you are in Rome. Instead of having your approximate location detected and shared automatically, you can manually set your location for elsewhere — perhaps a visit to Niagara Falls ."

Now I don't understand the usage of Latitude.

Oh one last thing. You are able to hide yourself from another user, but not from Google. Will they ever pass on the information to the government like how they dealt with Chinese Government regarding the cyber dissidents?

I'm too insignificant to worry about this issue la. Anwar, take care lo.

As Simple As This

I've never loved CNY so much like this year.

Nah, not that I've got more angpaus or won more in mahjongs.

Day 29 before CNY, also known as 小年夜, my mom brought some clothes for my cousins in grandma's house. Then we decided to have a 'costume-party-like reunion dinner', which meant all of us had to wear the clothes with that particular brand.





Yea yea... I know... WULIAO (is 'lame' the right translation?)!!! Isn't it great when you are able to wuliao with your family members like how you do with your friends?

p/s: I'm extremely sorry to my dear cousins who have posed in their best smile. I only needed your... erm... BOOBS. And guys, you missed out the fun.

Present you my dearest family! My grandma has three sons... So 1, 2, 3, yeap! Three tables!







I reckon they are not good posers. As you can see, the shyness is in the genes.

K. Fast forward to CNY Day 2. All the aunties came back. So yea, more cousins, nieces, and nephews.

After peng-ing and gong-ing with my cousins, we were gathered in the living room to witness Tan Family very own historical moments.

Ah Heong gor gor from Singapore played a VCD. "Gong gong!" shouted Ah Keng jie jie. Looking at the right hand corner of the video, it's 1996.

I could still remember the days that I greeted my grandfather who was making rafia strings on his ratan chair in front of the house. I was very short - 140cm - back then (not like I'm very tall now). I'd call him 'gong gong' and he'd ask me 'jiak ba bui'. I wish I could speak better Hokkien. It has been 2 years since I last visited him in Nirvana.

The camera was panned to the living room. It was almost the same as 2009. Green marble floor, telephone with pens and notepads to take vegetable orders, an altar against the wall, and a 24 inch TV. Oh, the sofa was replaced with new ones as children loved torturing the sofa by jumping/climbing/hopping up and down.

Ah MM - my aunty (大伯母) came in from the kitchen. She was trying to cover her face as well as the camera. She's so nervous that she could not decide which to cover.  As I mentioned, shyness is in the genes. She was the mother, the lady boss, the chef, the babysitter... literally everything of the family. She has gone. Glad to see her on TV.

We couldn't stop laughing throughout the video. All our stupid, childish, and naughty moments were caught. A 9 years old girl was encouraging her younger brother to fight with another cousin. "Hit him! Hit him!" I said. Now I know, my hand being bitten or my hair being pulled by Guo Yi were retributions.

Then, another devil came upon. He was pointing my cousins and yelled, "this is 38 gong and this is 38 po", reminding us my elder brother was a big bully. Those being bullied were in the living room too. Haha, it's time to take revenge guys.

The younger generation - most of my nephews and nieces - were the non-participants of 1996. But they enjoyed the show very much. "See, that's your mommy! Gosh, so young!". "Was I in the tummy?" he asked. "No, your parents were still playing hide-and-seek at that time." All burst into laugther.

Hey, start recording your special moments from now on. Think about the idea of sharing your youth with your children years later, how wonderful.



All enjoying 'Tan Family in 1996'. Happiness is just as simple as this.

虾皮 牛耳！！！

恭喜发财！新年快乐！

在此送上马来西亚寰宇电视(ASTRO)的当家花旦萧慧敏主演的新年MV - 《庆祝》！首担MV女主角，她即迅速获得了影后的衔头，前途不可限量！



注：文中“影后”意指影她的背后。

My Radio 3

It has been a long time since the 'room' last updated. The current playlist has no specific theme. It's just some random songs that I've been listening for N times recently.

1. Bye Bye Mariah Carey
Introduced by Lyssa.
A note to those who have lost their love ones:
'Lift ya head to the sky, we will never say bye.'

2. 写给自己的歌 黄义达
The cuti-cuti guys love this song. Wonder why.
Maybe it's emo enough for the currently-single guys （Derek excluded) while encouraging enough for them to be a man? XD
我一个人走 一个人看透 一个人受
路我自己选择 我一个人走

3. 最幸福的事 梁文音
Listen to her voice and look at the video. It tells all.


4. 属于 梁静茹
Ok ok... I know lots of ppl are crazy over this song. Esp when it comes in a bundle with the drama 《幸福的抉择》. Nah... I haven't seen the drama as the pace is too SLOOOWWW for me.
Anyway, my friend has been asking
‘我坚持的，就值得坚持吗？’
The answer is in the song too.
属于我们点点滴滴的伤心
我们要各自忘记
属于我们闪闪发亮的爱情
我们还要努力
May you be blessed with happiness.

5. 没有如果 梁静茹
Despite the copyright debate, I like this song!
Fish is exploring her voice.
如果我说 爱我没有如果
错过就过 你是不是会难过
若如果拿来当藉口
那是不是有一点弱
如果我说 爱我没有如果
真的爱我 就放手一搏
还想什么 还怕什么
快牵起我的手

Hope you'll like it.=)

Art of Hugging

Hug of friends is like saying 'take care buddy'

Hug of gf is like saying 'Can't live without you'

Hug of parents is 'Don't worry about me. I'm a man now.'

Quoted from a friend in msn.

I'll try fulfilling my promise. :)

A Delayed Response

Nah, neither could I.

I was talking to mien in the car on the 5th hour of year 2009, about how impossible it is to live those years again. Then I looked back to my posts in 2007 and 2008. Again, they kept rambling about how hard to believe. To believe again.

Yea, I have equated the courage to believe with the recur to past. False maths.

Believe is something I, or maybe us, (still) strongly hold, just that it takes a different process. 5 years ago, we drew an overly definite line between things to believe and things not to believe. For eg, statement comes out from org. A can be trusted while those from org. B must be doubted. Or, people and thoughts that support our ideology are great whereas those against are shit. (hah, maybe ideology is too grand a word used but I can't find a better one to describe our near-extremism.)

The line was scrapped off all of sudden. We were all adrift, struggling to grasp a buoy in the sea. 'How to judge' is a question we asked most as our initial judgement scheme lost its credit.

We have found ours isn't? We analyse before we believe. We are ready to challenge what used to be right and rethink what used to be wrong. We have our values and we know which to hold and which can be given second thoughts. We know we can't give in all but we'll try giving the enough amount. We are heading towards the balance between rationality and sensibility. Or maybe, these are all yet to be achieved. They might not be the right path, but they're the chosen path.

We've never changed in believing. We changed the way of believing. So, keep it up my friend.

震撼教育

年迈教育者对女生上下其手、吻脸咬手，其一。

为取得新闻，设圈套陷老人家于不义，其二。

要求记者为了采访而牺牲尊严色相，其三。

尽做这一切还能将其作为沾沾自喜的作品，其四。

这是媒体行业的真实面？

还是纯属八卦杂志的黑暗面？

若为八卦杂志的手法，那还可以到别处去。

若全媒体都免不了类似手段，那又能往何处去？